52: When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore: A Conversation with Richelle Clayton

Ever feel like you’ve lost pieces of yourself in the chaos of motherhood? You’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. In today’s powerful episode, I’m sharing an interview from The Mama’s Advice Vault event with the incredible Richelle Clayton, a childbirth educator, doula, and coach.

Richelle and I dive into what it really means when moms say “I don’t feel like myself anymore,” why this is such a common experience, and what you can actually do to start feeling more like you again.

Whether you’re in the thick of new motherhood or navigating the evolving seasons of parenting, this conversation will give you practical tools—and loads of grace—to reconnect with your needs, your identity, and your joy.

Download Richelle's Resource: The Busy Parent's Guide to Making Time

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Transcript

Vanda:
Hey, hey, welcome back to the podcast. I hope you’re having a fabulous day! I’m just coming off of The Mama’s Advice Vault last week, and it was so wonderful. We had over 200 mamas sign up for the event, listen through the interviews, and I am confident they walked away with so much knowledge they could put into practice right away to help them in lots of different areas of motherhood.

We covered topics for mamas preparing for conception, navigating fertility struggles, pregnancy, labor and birth, the postpartum period, and raising babies and toddlers. Plus, there were so many helpful interviews focused on how YOU as a mom can take better care of yourself.

So for today’s podcast episode, I thought it would be really fun to share one of the interviews from the event with you. This conversation is with Richelle Clayton, and the topic is: “What to Do When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore.” I loved this conversation so much, and I know it’s something many of you will relate to. Let’s dive in.

Richelle:
Thanks for having me! I love this topic—helping moms who feel like they’ve lost themselves. But before I share my tip, I want to give a little context because this is such a common experience. If you Google “I don’t feel like myself since becoming a mom,” you'll find tons of posts and threads of moms wondering if this is normal, feeling like they didn’t expect motherhood to feel this way.

And the truth is, we don’t prepare people well for parenthood. There’s a big difference between instinct and intuition. Instinct is that primal drive, but intuition is built through experience and information—and when you're a new mom, you often have neither. So we go in thinking, “I’ll just know what to do,” but then we're hit with things that don’t feel natural or intuitive—like burping a baby or handling a toddler meltdown. And that creates pressure to get it all right from day one.

Becoming a mom is one of life’s biggest transitions. The change happens overnight—you’re not a mom one day, and then you are. But the transition takes time. According to transition theory, we go through three phases: the beginning, the messy middle (which is very accurate for motherhood), and the new beginning. And we don’t just go through this once. Motherhood is full of constant transitions—from baby to toddler to preschooler to teen and beyond.

So my first mini-tip? Grace. So much grace for yourself as you move through all these stages.

But if you’re a mom who feels like you’ve lost yourself—where life has become all about your kids, your responsibilities, and you're just going through the motions—my #1 tip is this: Reconnect with yourself.

Now that can be tricky, and it looks different for everyone. For some, it’s about realizing they’ve lost touch with their needs. For others, it’s emotions—they know they’re overwhelmed or burnt out but can’t name it. And for others, it’s that they’ve been living by what everyone else says a “good mom” should be, and they’ve lost their own voice in the process.

Start by asking yourself: What does being a good mom mean to me? Not to society, not to my parents or social media, but to me. What feels authentic?

Then begin taking small steps to align your life with that version. That might mean doing less. It might mean letting go of the Pinterest lunches you hate making, or saying no to school spirit weeks that your kid doesn’t even care about.

A fun little practice is to check in with your inner child. Ask her—what did little Richelle need from her mom? What did she love? What made her feel safe or joyful? That can help reconnect you to your values.

Sometimes just letting go of things that aren’t true to you can create a huge sense of relief and authenticity.

Vanda:
I love this so much. I think a lot of us don’t even realize how much we’re trying to live up to everyone else’s idea of what motherhood should be. One example I thought of immediately while you were talking: My son’s school has so many themed dress-up days, and at first I tried to keep up. But it was exhausting, and he didn’t even care! So now, I just let it go—and it’s been such a relief.

For moms who are listening and want to reconnect with themselves, where do they start? Should they just think it through in their head? Journal? Do you have a favorite strategy?

Richelle:
Anything goes! If journaling helps you, do that. If images popped into your head while listening, maybe try art. One of my favorite exercises with clients is a guided visualization.

I walk them through this moment where they’re standing in front of a door. When they open it, they see someone who represents a “good mom.” You walk into the room—what do you see? What is she doing? How is she dressed? What’s her energy like?

Sometimes it’s a version of themselves. Sometimes it’s a character from a show or a family member. Then we explore—how do you feel about what you saw? Are you inspired? Are you annoyed? Do parts of it feel true to you or totally not aligned?

It’s such a great way to uncover where your definitions are coming from and what’s actually meaningful to you.

Vanda:
That’s so good. Visualization has been powerful for me in other areas of my life too, so I hope someone listening will try that.

Before we wrap up, can you share where people can find you and the resource you have for them?

Richelle:
Yes! I hang out on Instagram at @FromPregnantToParent, and my website is frompregnanttoparent.com. The free resource I want to share is called The Busy Parent’s Guide to Making Time. It helps parents create time—not to do more, but to do more of what matters or just to do less of the stuff that’s draining them.

The first part explains some of the context we talked about today, and the second part is full of time and energy management tips so you can feel more like yourself again.

Vanda:
Perfect! Thank you so much, Richelle. I loved this conversation and I know our listeners will too.

Vanda:
Hey, it’s Vanda again! I hope you loved getting to hear Richelle’s interview. If you want more conversations like this one, VIP access to The Mama’s Advice Vault is still available until Friday, April 11th. I’ll link that in the show notes along with Richelle’s resource and my Minerals for Mamas guide, which is always available for free.

Thanks for being here—I’ll talk to you next week!