55: Raising Kids with Big Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool) with Rachel Bailey

If you’re parenting a child who feels things deeply—and maybe even has explosive reactions when things don’t go their way—this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by parenting expert and clinical psychologist Rachel Bailey, and we’re talking all about how to raise emotionally intense kids without feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

We dive into:

• What it actually means to have a child with “big emotions”
• Why your child’s meltdowns are not a sign of failure (and what they’re really trying to communicate)
• What to do when you get dysregulated in the moment, too
• Simple tools for reducing daily power struggles and emotional outbursts
• How to teach emotional regulation outside of the meltdown moments

If you’ve ever wondered “Why does my child overreact like this?” or “How can I stay calm when they’re freaking out?”—you’ll walk away from this episode with clarity, compassion, and practical tools.

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Transcript

Podcast Title: Raising Kids with Big Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool)
Guest: Rachel Bailey

Vanda:
Hey, hey, welcome back to the podcast! Today I’m joined by Rachel Bailey. She's a parenting specialist who’s been serving families for over a decade.

Besides being a mom of two, she has a master’s degree in clinical psychology, a certification in positive discipline, and has worked as an ADHD coach, in-home mentor, and therapist. Through her podcast, programs, and services, Rachel teaches parents hands-on tools for raising responsible, resilient children—without the stress and guilt that so many of us carry.

I’ve been so excited to have this conversation because we’re talking about something I know a lot of us experience: raising kids with big emotions. I definitely feel like I have at least one (if not more) kids who fall into that category—and honestly, I was probably one of those kids myself!

Rachel, can you start us off by defining what we really mean when we say “kids with big emotions”?

Rachel:
Yes! And I love starting here because that phrase actually didn’t come from me—it came from parents I worked with, who would tell me, “My kid just has big emotions.”

What I’ve found is that it usually means a few things:

• The child is sensitive—they have a big, disproportionate reaction to things
• They’re anxious—they worry, or get really irritable when things don’t go their way
• Or they’re strong-willed—they resist or push back hard when asked to do something

These might seem like totally different types of kids, but underneath it all is the same core issue: they feel things deeply, and they don’t yet know how to manage those feelings. So the behaviors we see are just symptoms of that emotional dysregulation.

Vanda:
That makes so much sense. So what’s the best thing we can do as parents when we’re seeing our kids struggle like this?

Rachel:
The first and most important thing is to stop seeing it as a threat. We tend to think, “Why is my child acting like this? Will they always be this way?” And we go into worry or fear mode—internally or externally.

Instead, we need to say:
 “This child feels things deeply. That’s not a bad thing. And I can teach them how to handle that.”

Emotional regulation isn’t about making the emotions go away. It’s about learning how to manage them so they don’t control us.

As someone who’s a highly sensitive person myself, I can tell you: I’m not weak. I just need tools to stay in control of my reactions—and that’s what I help both kids and parents learn to do.

Vanda:
Yes, I relate to that so much. I feel like my daughter mirrors me in a lot of ways, emotionally. And I can recognize when she’s dysregulated—but then I find myself getting dysregulated too. So now we’re both spinning.

Rachel:
Exactly! That’s super common. I call it the Cycle of Yuck.
Yuck is anything that feels uncomfortable—frustration, sadness, overwhelm, even hunger. When someone’s in “yuck,” it shows up as a behavior.

So maybe your daughter doesn’t get her way, and she explodes. Now you’re triggered by her response, so you react too. Your reaction puts her further into yuck. And the cycle continues.

Here’s the key:
 Stop engaging with the yuck.

Instead of taking their behavior personally, recognize it as a symptom of dysregulation. When you stop seeing it as a threat, your own nervous system stays more regulated—and you can break the cycle.

Vanda:
That makes so much sense. I imagine there’s a lot of nuance in what that looks like for each parent and each child?

Rachel:
Totally. Everyone’s “threat triggers” are different, which is why I help parents create a Threat Plan—a personalized understanding of why your child’s behavior feels so triggering to you. When you understand your own stress response, it’s easier to stay calm when your child is struggling.

Vanda:
Okay, that’s gold. So aside from those in-the-moment tips, are there any daily practices we can use to help prevent these situations from escalating?

Rachel:
Absolutely. I’d say 90% of this work happens outside of the heat of the moment.

We need to teach kids:

• Flexible thinking (so they don’t see everything as a crisis)
• Coping skills for when frustration or disappointment inevitably shows up
• Emotion recognition (naming what they feel is the first step)

With younger kids especially, identifying and naming feelings is powerful. And then I like to take it one step further and externalize the emotion. Give it a name—draw it, even! That helps kids recognize: “Oh, there’s that yucky feeling again,” instead of being overwhelmed by it.

Vanda:
Yes! We’ve been naming emotions at home a lot more, and I love the idea of drawing them or giving them a name. That feels so doable.

So for a mom who’s listening and wants to learn more about your approach or get started right away—where should she go?

Rachel:
Great question. I actually have a free resource that’s perfect for this. It explains more about how to handle yuck in the moment—including what I call the Yuck Curve, which helps you understand how to ride out your child’s emotional waves without escalating the situation.

It’s a great place to start because it helps you stop seeing your child’s behavior as a personal attack—and start seeing it as a teachable moment.

Vanda:
Perfect. We’ll link to that in the show notes, along with Rachel’s website and social media so you can connect with her more. Thanks so much for being here, Rachel. This was such a helpful conversation—I know a lot of moms are going to feel really seen and supported by what you shared today.

Rachel:
Thank you for having me. It was such a pleasure!